My mother used to say, "Two tears in a bucket: mother fuck it."

It's odd to me that the ending of certain things can make me reconsider everything else so dramatically.  I always want to get so physically far away and I'm never really able to.  I didn't even know I cared so much.  And I have so many questions that I will never have answered.  I guess I just have to cut my losses again.  I've gotten so good at burning bridges by this point it's a little amazing that I've managed to maintain any friendships at all. 

Many sighs today.

that last night we were drunk on each other
confusion of love and lust like scales on my eyelids
an excuse for not seeing it coming
you smelled of booze and fear and failure
me, oblivious in my biblical naivete
worn like a crucifix around my neck
by then I had become my own god
with unravelled covenants left forgotten in the gutter
courtesy my self seeking gratification

that last night you tasted of Parliments and mediocrity
but then, you always did
my tongue was wet with our demise
I had traded my Sunday shoes for late night trysts
and masked inconsistencies distributed on ration
dizzy with heady ecstasy we fell in
all limbs and lies and weakness
my untouched fragility and your careless fervency
and emerged with nothing intact

NIGHT
[be baptized in me]

we shook hands politely when casually introduced
smiled with closed lips
easy to pretend we'd never met
but I recognized your exhilarating darkness

you waited until we were alone to hold out your hand
eyes flecked with pity and gold
imploring me to walk along with you
your heaviness already eclipsing my lungs

uninterested in reminiscing with you
I thought we were through
dauntless you hummed your remember whens
a dozen silent sentences

my sighs never had any resonance with you
so I walked and you talked
oddly comforted in your penetrating familiarity
until daybreak finally delivered me

I can still feel your whisper on my cheek
I can still taste your breath of goodbye
a little like regret in the shadows of trees
you've already settled into my bones

Currently Ghosts of the Great Highway By Sun Kil Moon Carry Me, Ohio see related

forget you once said, 'sweetheart'
he's forgotten you

A Requiem
for my sweetest downfall

you say I complete you
antidote to your insomnia
you, a mounting storm
perpetually on the verge of chaos
until I take the clouds from your sky
spin them into cotton candy
you won't want to eat
too sticky sweet

you said we were perfect for each other
after all, I'm your lobster
but I never could handle perfection
and you could never mean it when you quit
every time you ordered another
a little bit of us left my body
until we were empty of trying
and both too numb to notice we were only pretending

Currently Does You Inspire You By Chairlift Bruises see related

I don't blame you for being you
but you can't blame me for hating it

I already miss Madison.  I really do think this is for the best and it's time to move on to new scenery.  I just didn't expect to find what I have here, if that makes sense.  It took me by surprise somehow.  I don't usually have regrets, but I wish I didn't spend so much time worrying about money and my bills.  Also the love of a certain person.  Then maybe I wouldn't have spent so much time working or investing myself in inevitable cataclysms of the heart/soul.  I could have instead appreciated more the real love I maybe took too much for granted.  You are my sweetest downfall.
[ but if your lover is a liar tell him no more; set yourself free ]

if there was a better way to go then it would find me
I can't help it the road just rolls out behind me...